2- Stringy Sentences

Another problem writers have when they try to write like they speak. Some people write with too many clauses, usually connected with and, but or so, and sometimes because. A good rule is to have no more than 3 clauses (ideas) in one sentence. Any more than that, the reader gets confused about the relationship of ideas.

A stringy sentence is made up of several complete thoughts strung together with words like and or but. Stringy sentences just ramble on and on. They don’t give the reader a chance to pause before each new idea.

To fix a stringy sentence, you can

• break the sentence into two or more sentences

• turn some of the complete thoughts into phrases or subordinate clauses

STRINGY: Martina climbed the stairs of the haunted house, and she knocked on the door several times, but no one answered, and she braced herself, and then she opened the door.

REVISED: Martina climbed the stairs of the haunted house. She knocked on the door several times, but no one answered. Bracing herself, she opened the door.

STRINGY: She goes to the library early in the morning on Saturdays, and she stays there till 5 p.m., but she never gets bored there, so she must like libraries.

CORRECT: She goes to the library early in the morning on Saturdays, and she stays there till 5 p.m. But she never gets bored there. So she must like libraries.

STRINGY: I never go out when it rains, so I stay at home and watch television, and sometimes when there is nothing good on television, I listen to good music, or I play the piano, but I never chat with my friends.

CORRECT: I never go out when it rains, so I stay at home and watch television. Sometimes when there is nothing good on television, I listen to good music, or I play the piano. But I never chat with my friends.

Revising Stringy Sentences Some of the following sentences are stringy and need to be improved.

-         First, identify the stringy sentences. Then, revise them by (1) breaking each sentence into two or more sentences

-         Second (2) turning some of the complete thoughts into phrases or subordinate clauses. If the sentence is effective and does not need to be improved, write C for correct.

Exercise One: Revise the following stringy sentences and write (C) if the sentence reads correct.

1. Mercedes O. Cubría was born in Cuba, but her mother died, and she moved to the United States, and she moved with her two sisters.

2. She worked as a nurse, and then she joined the Women’s Army Corps, and she soon became an officer in the army.

3. Cubría was the first Cuban-born woman to become an officer in the U.S. Army.

4. Her job during World War II was to translate important government papers into a secret code.

5. The war ended, and she was promoted to captain, and later her official rank rose to major.

6. Then there was the Korean War, and she worked as an intelligence officer, and she studied information about the enemy.

Exercise Two: revise the following stringy sentences

1-     Parrots are colorful creatures that live in warm climates around the world, with the greatest diversity of parrots existing in Central America, South America, and Australia.

2-     Most of the teachers live in the same town as the school, and a few twenty miles away, and none live more than thirty miles away.

3-     Some students take algebra, and some take geometry, and some take calculus, but Juan took all three because he loves math.

4-      Autobiographies and memoirs are similar, but there are also differences, and one difference is that memoirs are written more like stories whereas autobiographies are more factual.

5-     Vicky was chosen as dance captain, which means she leads each routine and helps choreograph the dances.

6-     Wolves are similar in appearance to coyotes, but wolves typically have a darker coat and a pointed muzzle, and coyotes do not have these features.

7-      Most chefs are passionate about food and put their heart and soul into their cooking, and some chefs even consider cooking a kind of art.

8-      Insects eat many different things, and most of them eat plants, but the praying mantis eats other insects, and female mosquitoes drink blood.